No. 150: 👨💻 CES 2023
🤨 Just because you can make it, doesn't mean you should
Happy Monday,
And welcome to hi, tech. 150! 🥂
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First, a funny
This cartoon made me chuckle this morning:
Have you had much occasion to play around with ChatGPT yet? I really think a lot of people will be doing what our animated friend is doing above. They will then be disappointed with the results.
It is impressive and it feels like what Ask Jeeves would have been, had it delivered on its brand promise.
I tried using it to write a script for a TV show I’m desperate to create. The results were hilarious, albeit unintentionally so. I’ll post some of the scenes someday.
Trust me: we original thinkers won’t be out of a job any time soon. I don’t have a job, but you know what I mean.
Second, a not-so-funny
Well, I woke up this morning and this was the subject of the first email I saw:
and reader, I was this close to just closing my eyes again and coming back up for air on Tuesday.
It wouldn’t pass muster in a high school essay. And to prove my point beyond any possible contention, I pretended to be a school teacher and reviewed it again.
And you might say two things:
It’s only an email subject. Maybe the email body answered all those points.
Yes, it is.
No, it didn’t.
You’re jealous!
Precisely. I appreciate a good grift and these guys are wonderful at grifting. Pay me $500k a year or whatever and I’ll give you metaverse predictions that’ll make your head spin.
Now onto the main show, to an exhibition I didn’t attend (it’s all politics, I swear) but can mock from afar.
CES 2023 Is the Global Stage for Innovation.
That’s the official pitch, anyway.
CES (Consumer Electronics Show) is undoubtedly one of the biggest events in the tech events calendar. I’d say companies use it as a chance to show off what they can do, not what people actually want them to do.
I love the idea of going to the event and reporting live, via TikTok. They wouldn’t have me, though - they can’t handle my sass.
So, I’ve been following this year’s madness from home. Below, I have rounded up the best and worst (mainly the worst) of what I’ve seen.
The Five Best Products at CES 2023
🤖 NVIDIA: Generative AI
One of the most exciting announcements from NVIDIA was the incorporation of generative AI 3D technologies into its Omniverse platform.
Omniverse is a platform for building metaverse applications, and the addition of generative AI is rather intriguing. Omniverse now includes connectors to leading AI platforms such as Move.ai for body movements, Lumirithmic for facial 3D meshes, and Elevate3D for photorealistic 3D visualisations. NVIDIA also introduced Get3D, a new generative AI model that can create 3D shapes.
All of these capabilities, along with many others, are now available on the Omniverse AI ToyBox extension platform.
In other words: You can feed in a prompt and create moving scenes, including virtual people and backgrounds.
🏡 Matter: Smart Home
The smart home hasn’t quite taken off like some of us thought it would. One reason is that products from different companies don’t work well together. That is by design; they want you to go “all-in” on their products and avoid the competition, naturally.
It seems the big smart home companies (Amazon, Apple, Google, Samsung) have given up on trying to “own” the home, like a millennial in New York City.
They have all decided to back Matter’s smart home technology instead.
Matter is a protocol that allows devices to work with each other across platforms and ecosystems, making it easier for users to control their smart home devices using various voice assistants. Matter devices also have the added benefit of being entirely local, which allows for faster device response times.
You need a “Matter controller” to make it work and I won’t lie, at first I did think this meant you needed to buy a new remote control. In fact, the “controller” is just an existing device that you already have - an Amazon Echo could act as your controller, for example.
🐦 Bird Buddy
When I saw this (day one of the show), I figured everyone should just pack up and go home. We’ve finally “completed” technology.
Bird Buddy is - get this - an “AI-powered Smart Hummingbird Feeder, which is able to take photos and videos of 350 different hummingbird species with wing speeds of up to 60 mph.”
What a world.
The Asus 3D display
No glasses! 3D!
I would never buy or use this, but I’d be slightly likelier to use this than a VR headset.
AnkerWork Wireless Mic
Ok, this has made the list because I have bought at least ten wireless mics and they never work like they’re supposed to. AnkerWork is entering the market now and it has a snazzy LCD screen for monitoring your recordings too:
Sign me up.
The Five Wackiest (By Wackiest, I Mean Worst) Products
🏎 “The BMW i Vision DEE is a concept car with a personality.” 🤨
The concept car’s grille uses E Ink technology to give DEE animated eyes that seem to blink as the car speaks. It also changes colour, for some reason.
I just wonder which customers said they wanted this?
It’s not a new idea - BMW acknowledged as much by bringing Herbie The Love Bug (from the 1970s movies) onstage - but it is a pointless one. And I will bet that the dashboard is impossible to use inside it, too. Still - blinking eyes!
👶 Halo SleepSure
It’s a wearable for babies with a camera in it and all manner of sensors.
I get why parents want to monitor their baby’s health, you know. I do get that.
I don’t see why they would strap this technology to their baby. It even says its purpose is to give the parents peace of mind, but I’d be worried about Halo’s cybersecturity so much it would outweigh any minimal benefit.
Remember when Herb Simpson (Homer’s long-lost brother) invented the Baby Translator?
It would listen to Maggie’s cries and decipher her real message. That would be a million times better than a sensor that tells you how the baby’s sleeping.
And it would be a billion times better than:
🐶 FluentPet
I love dogs. And because I love dogs, I hate this product.
What is it?
FluentPet is a new app that allows dogs to communicate with their owners by pressing programmable buttons that speak voice commands. The buttons are held in place by hexagonal, multicolored tiles called "HexTiles," which also provide visual cues for the dog. The system can be expanded as the dog's vocabulary grows by adding more tiles.
To use FluentPet, owners record command words such as "water," "outside," "ball," and "play," and the dog can press a button to communicate its desire. The messages can also be texted to the dog’s owner.
Since starting shipping its first-gen product in June 2020, the company has reached over 100,000 households(!!!).
(That’s 700,000 households in dog numbers.)
Why is it terrible?
Well, we’re still trying to cram an animal’s experience of the world (its Umwelt, to be more precise) into our own.
If we’re so desperate to understand what our dogs want, how about we pay more attention to them? Why do we need our dogs to WhatsApp us when they need a wizz? Dogs don’t even understand the world through visual cues...
Speaking of bad ideas, I’ve saved the worst ‘til last.
🚽 Withings U-Scan
The Withings U-Scan is a small, pebble-shaped device that can be placed inside your toilet to measure basic biomarkers in your urine. While wrist-based fitness trackers are semi-useful, they can’t provide information about your hydration or dietary habits like the U-Scan can. The device comes with interchangeable cartridges that can be swapped out to measure different markers, but each cartridge requires a separate subscription to use.
The U-Scan will initially be available with two cartridge options: one for general wellness markers like pH and ketone levels, and another that tracks hormone levels to monitor a woman's menstrual cycle.
And that brings me to why this is so bad. At first, I thought the idea was a little odd but actually rather functional. Compared to a fitness band, this seems like it might get closer to some perceptive data. It might pick up on serious health issues in time to take action.
However, it monitors a lot of sensitive data too. At a time when women’s reproductive rights are threatened. At a time when companies regularly say they won’t share personal data and then do.
You can imagine the kind of scenario that could play out here, in the US and elsewhere.
Meaningless Miscellania
Ever wished you could carry your TV around like a boombox? Well now you can!
Acer Work-Bike (eKinekt BD 3)
Have you ever seen that soul-sucking post on LinkedIn?
You’re right, I need to be more specific.
It’s the one where they talk about an airport in Antwerp or Eindhoven or something, where you have to go on an exercise bike to power the phone chargers.
And then 1,000 wannabe Tony Robbinses all post it as an example of the #future 💪💪 while I reminisce about the past, where I could get my phone up to 20% battery without parting company with my lunch.
Well, Acer have brought that ridiculous product into the home. It’s an exercise bike with a desk and laptop attached to it.
Twinkly TV Lights
They’re Christmas tree lights and you can play movies on them.
Well said, Kevin.
Looking forward to CES2023. #PleaseInviteMe
Your reaction to the metavere "stat" is exactly the reaction I have to every "metaverse prediction" I see. Massive eyeroll, followed by a strong urge to scrawl "SHOW YOUR WORKINGS" over the top in red pen. I even came up with an article idea purely around debunking terrible metaverse predictions, although it evolved into a longer series covering some other angles.
You have to wonder how McKinsey et al can publish these predictions with a straight face, but it's not like anyone in 2030 will remember to call them out on missing the mark. As you said - how convenient.